What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 04:07
We were not on the streets..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Where and how did ballet originate?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I said to her
I write beautiful poetry .
Do all armies have the same rank structure?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
What made you feel satisfied about your life today?
So, i spoilt her more .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
What do all Indian parents have in common?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was seconnd youngest,
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why are black people harassed more by police officers?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I waited trembling.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Do most narcissists have good intentions as long as you are under their control?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She found it foreign!.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
So whats the point in blame.
What is the most heartbreaking or sad love story that you ever had (experienced)?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
How can I easily get rid of my writers block?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why do I sweat so much after applying moisture or sun screen on my face? I have normal skin.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
What is your opinion on the band Nickelback? Why do they receive criticism from some people?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My family never makes their pension either.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
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As i do to all so called friends.?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Comes on , in middle age.
She was in good health!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One cannot live in the past .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
This is soul school!.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We all went to grammer schools
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He knew the spot.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was very sick at this time too.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Put me off passion for life!!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I never cut or harmed myself..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She wouldn,t have been !
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
All the time i was locked up.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Especially a lifetime of it.
It was going to be , some day.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Ive learnt so much.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But it wasn’t much.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was 9 years of age.
When she asked me how she looked .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And i lived it daily.
But, we were locked up after school.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im still living with it.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
What did i know ?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He resisted the act ,that day.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She loved him until the end.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Was to survive, this bastard.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She married twice! .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I don,t even have a pension.
My life is so biszare .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was scared of men, in general
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I will be 64.
I could never make a relationship work though!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
(And it was in our own minds.)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why did i forgive my father ?
I think the readers, may guess!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I have no regrets .
Would this be the day?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Who then, do I blame.?